they were right. he was using me. and i know it now. he tries to be so secretive... but i know. but i also know that he doesn't really love her. she maybe more intriguing. but she is not better than i am. i was a better girlfriend then she could ever be. but now i have to stop being so nice. stop being there for him b/c if he really wants me - he should have to work for it.

and with this damn dumb doctor - i want to scream at him. like.... do you like me? are you busy? are you lonely? what? how can our conversations be once a week. what else are you doing every nite?

i guess i have to focus on my own things. and here i am... i think i know what they are. but ill see how well i put them into action.