figuring out everything for myself is a lot harder than i thought. i never in my life thought that i would be where i am now. when i was younger, i thought that by this age i would be married or almost married. and when i think about my life now - i am no where near getting married. more like... living my own life. things never turn out the way you expect. im alone. living in a place - that i bought myself. by myself. most of the time that i do have free, i spend alone. sometimes its just easier to be by myself then to be with other people i know i can't stay like this forever, but i feel a little bit scarred. i felt like i gave a couple things a chance - danny, adam. and both were kinda bleh. not sure i was feeling either. but it wasn't as fun as i thought. in face, in some times it was more a drag than anything else. bleh.

im trying to remember that the only way i can be in a successful relationship is if i am already in a happy one with myself. every day that i spend alone, i learn more about myself. what i like and what is really important to me.

the other day - i almost went the whole day without talking to anyone. it felt weird when i realized it, but then i kinda liked it! alot of people in the world probably feel the same thing. i have to remember that im not the only one who is in this situation.