i have never told anyone this. no one. but that first nite i went back to the regular world, it was hard. i wasn't ready yet, but i forced myself to. i mean, how long could i stay at home wearing big t-shirts, crying myself to sleep? not that much longer. i needed something to distract myself with. we had a nice dinner and then headed out to the bars. the scene wasn't there that nite. and i needed you to help me and just tell me it would be ok. but... instead you said... are you ok? ok great. i need time with my boyfriend. so like a good friend and a strong girl i went home. but instead of making it all the way home, i went back to him. he was patiently waiting and coaxed me into bed. i wasn't sure what to do - but it was just so comforting. it was just like old times. except...i got up. and was the most confused i could ever be. as i was leaving... i looked at him like he would have all the answers, but nothing. just a blank stare.