everytime i want to just go with the flow and let things be, i can't help think about it. think how what im about to do is going to completely change things. once you do it, you can't go back. there is no way i could lie about it and i wouldn't. its just too much. and i want to experience other people but, there is something about him that i know i will want. he makes me feel soo comfortable. he knows how to be with me. he knows just what i like. and when im about to take that next step - i can't. b/c i know i still want to be there with him. and well... it would just make me kinda slutty. oy vey.