everytime i want to just go with the flow and let things be, i can't help think about it. think how what im about to do is going to completely change things. once you do it, you can't go back. there is no way i could lie about it and i wouldn't. its just too much. and i want to experience other people but, there is something about him that i know i will want. he makes me feel soo comfortable. he knows how to be with me. he knows just what i like. and when im about to take that next step - i can't. b/c i know i still want to be there with him. and well... it would just make me kinda slutty. oy vey.

and now...

im here. still the same but oh so different. what a cliche. but - i can't describe it in any other way. its true how people say - it takes half the total time you were with him to get over him. im hitting that point. its not that i dont care. or even still miss him (...sometimes...). im just smarter now. as much as we get a long - even now - there is something that didn't work. as much did work, we can remain in each others lives. but... i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

oh well.

i'll still be here.