the weirdest things set me over the edge. yesterday i had to pump air into one of my tires - generally an easy task. but i had never done it. someone explained how to do it. it didn't seem hard. when i got to the gas station, i tried. but didn't think i was doing it right. then this stranger - a nice gentleman just getting gas helped me. which was wonderful. but then...after i left the gas station i almost starting crying - b/c i realized there was no guy to help me do this. maybe this was a lesson for the books. being independent (aka single) is sometimes really hard. i didn't want to pump air into my tires. maybe it would have been ok if my bf or a crush or someone interesting could teach me how - but to feel hopeless at a gas station is not fun.

i love creating things. sometimes i think i was really meant to be some type of artist. nites like tonite - i think i was meant to be a writer. and other nites, i was meant to be a stylist? and yet again other nites, i was meant to plan parties and set up photo shoots. there is something so right for me about just being creative and doing different things and thinking of new ideas. its SOOOO boring to be doing the same thing over and over again. excel spreadsheets can never be exciting to me.

focus.

lately ive lost focus. when im at work, all i want to be is at home. and when im at home, all i can think about are the projects i want to do - when i have time off from work. and with all this going on in my head, the phone is ringing, the water on the stove is ready for tea and my dryer has just played that musical sound that lets me know its done.

i think to get anything done, im really gonna have to focus. focus. FOCUS. so my new goal is going to be one nite with no tv and read at least one book a month. we'll see how i do.